Life Is Beautiful

2009-01-03T13:23:00.004+01:00

i'm just a fraction of wat i was before..a long time ago.

innocence is a virtue. being without emotional baggage is to be cherished. oh man i sound like an old hag regretting the milk lost.
cynicism eats away joy. spending time with Him is not a pie in the sky..it helps in self reflection. self reflection tt doesn't produce negative thots, tt doesn't go the same big round. it calms down the soul and on a higher level, brings light to life. i'm assuming (cos a long time ago i was satisfied with wat it brought me) tt i would slowly know where life is bringing me to. i now think tt it's pointless gg for prayer mtgs cos why you praying for other issues when you're messed up yourself. or praying for youself for tt matter, cos He doesn't grant them anyway.
right now, my advice to pple is always "why bother, just let things naturally play out" or "you've done alot already, don't need to do anything else". does it result in a calming effect or does it show tt i think there is nth else worth fighting for? i justify my stand as hitting one's head against a wall, so stop doing anything as early as possible.
at work, i take so long to figure things out tt pple are always trying to give me solutions, and these just make me more lost. i end up following blindly watever they do. how does a chemeng degree help in figuring out (a)why the siren can't stop, (b)why the handswitches can't activate the valve when they've already been hotlooped, (c)why the local reading and the computer display says different things.
i've so much more time these days so i'm able to ponder a lot more. but yet my pondering doesn't yield any solutions. it's pathetic.

2008-08-21T19:29:00.003+02:00

he hangs ard to see whether i'm occupied before he makes his plans. he notices when i become terse. he makes decisions to do things with me spontaneously.
it's a small step for mankind but a Huge step for him.
it's the beginnings of a step out of my shell.

2008-06-06T21:42:00.002+02:00

greatest game i've seen on clay so far. french open with quite an unknown french man in the semis, albeit a black, still makes for great atmosphere in roland garros. wat's more playing with no 1 federer!
monfils serves were aces, top spins and 200+ kph speeds. but he ain't cool, always losing it, just too much expression till it becomes irritating. then when federer starts dropping his shots, he tries to follow suit but doesn't do them too nicely.
federer is skilful to say the least. his calm demeanor and mysterious persona adds to his charm. monfils did him a lot of pressuring and he did lose his calm quite a bit, adding to his unforced errors. then he started varying his play, changing depth and angles..top notch tennis. he dropped his shots close to the net, something that his opponent never expected. imagine drop shots plus top spin. IMpossible to return!
just the most delightful match i've seen in the 2008 stanley cup.
can't wait for nadal hottie vs federer finals.

2008-05-10T18:27:00.003+02:00

being exposed to this whole new world, i feel even more burdened and saddened for them. they are stuck in the own little circle, perched on top and looking down at who they term as "peasants". when you are up there, isn't there all the more a need to understand and experience the lives that pple who are not as fortunate lead, to know how pple outside your circle are? for wannabe-socialites, wat is the point of PR-ing so much when you are treated only like an accessory and not an asset? wat is the point when PR-ing only yields weather talk and not substantial conversation? networking is all about wat you can offer to others, not wat your rich-relatives-and-by-default-you can offer. and so partying is a means to get by that, of getting seen with The Right Pple but if you've got wat it takes, The Right Pple will know you, ain't it. saddening that the only way of letting loose they know is to get drunk. today i enjoyed a refreshing kampong experience, i enjoyed the times talking to Gang Head, First Class, Sporty etc. maybe these pple feel inadequate mixing with different types of pple cos they always wanna feel like they know everything? i don't know.

on to a different issue, singaporeans are born complainers huh. food must be fed to them. love served on a platter to them but even then they reject it. wat is church for? not for its pple but for God, to serve Him, to love Him. if Man doesn't treat you right, who cares, you live for God, not for Man. you do wat you think is right in God's eyes, not on condition that Man treats you well (or wat you perceive as well). Man gets jaded easily, God doesn't. after a few times of unanswered sms-es, realise that it is possible and almost sure that Man will get jaded. once bitten twice shy. how wld you expect to get fed if you're not receptive, if your attitude is not right, if you rely on Man's actions and not your love for God? saying that, i am not perfect..no human is. i need forgiveness from whoever i've wronged. and i need pple to teach me how to do things right. if everything is kept inside, without open communication, there will always be misunderstandings that never get SOLVED. i don't like situations that are forced, i like to go with the flow, i don't like to act spiritually-superior than others, i believe there is always things i can learn from pple that are supposedly lower than me, i believe that we are all peers. don't wait for pple to act, you'd be waiting your whole life and getting very bitter while at it. take INITIATIVE!

2008-04-24T14:02:00.001+02:00

nothing he does is ever enough for me..why? he's so accommodating, changing so much for me. but i only still have heart for one.

2008-01-22T04:02:00.000+01:00

sermon was so appropriate. always can't help letting it all out when i'm in His presence, tt camouflage can never be hidden from Him. it was about forgiveness and it's not that when we forget it, we've forgiven; or when the pain's gone, we've forgiven; but it's the coming to terms with things, to learn, to rebuild and to accept. one point struck me: rebuilding. naturally, trust takes time to regain, till then, the innermost chambers are out of bounds. 2 years ago, when hurts had build up, there shd already have been a time of distance, but there wasn't. i guess tt's why explosions occur.

taking all 3 classes on my own and design project away from my frens has given me so much time alone. the solitude is therapeutic. there's no need for nature to reflect and to get in touch with other realms, it's a state of self. like the principle of praying without ceasing.

i must learn to love myself. to stop blaming myself and take concrete steps ahead. to create personal spaces. to avoid being taken advantaged of and discarded after. then i can learn to love others, love the unlovable and the sidelined.

2008-01-03T10:00:00.000+01:00

2008!!
the year of new beginnings
of graduation
and of the start of my life destiny

2007-12-18T03:58:00.000+01:00

i was just discussing with someone about my views and all he could muster was faithfulness till marriage. my reply wld sound familiar..i am a woman of principles, i live by them even tho they may be warped. even tho better options may present themselves to me, monetarily or smarts wise, i wld never jump ship. that's wat i deem as faithfulness.

2007-12-12T07:17:00.000+01:00

crazy about vienna teng!!

2007-12-12T05:00:00.000+01:00

You are faithful
Your joy is my strength

i've never seen or experienced love like that before
was neither kin nor God and yet
such a treasure to be lost again

2007-12-06T16:23:00.000+01:00

i still love you with my all and try as i might, i'm just unable to take back my heart. but i respect your decision. go, explore, discover yourself. :) thx for this honeymoon.

2007-12-04T03:31:00.000+01:00

belachan is bad, really bad for stamina. :( my flavouring of choice. my nasi lemak mixed belachan :( nvm all for my goal of 42km next yr.

right after my dose of belachan, i cld only manage a meager 5.2km. so made up for it by doing 30 laps in the pool. good stuff. i like my new regime. so you'd know, it comes naturally and i like it. change wasn't precipitated and certainly isn't forced. independence. i'm satisfied being by myself. waiting for you. hoping. right here. your picture, our pictures, keep me going. if i only cld be as happy as the person in the pictures again.

2007-12-02T13:13:00.000+01:00

spiritual attacks in all sorts of ways. from nightmares. to unrestful nights. to waking up with all sorts of thoughts racing thru my head. to helplessness. to stoning and not wanting to do anything. and latest to the list, thoughts of disappointment in God, blaming Him and giving up on Him. and it attacked me just before service. why i claim and stand on His promises and yet i don't feel things are getting better. I REBUKE THEM!
Lam 3:22-23 "Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." I am not supposed to be consumed! but i've just become so inward looking. i don't wanna do anything.
2 Cor 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you for My strength is made perfect in weakness.." altho i did feel that the interview went wonderfully, i just have this nagging feeling at the back of my head that i won't make it through. altho i felt that my first few exams went smoothly, the others just weigh me down.
and for all the time i have in the world right now, i can do so much to help the cg, to bring everyone back. but i have no push and no will to do it. neither do i have the will to do my fyp.

2007-11-20T14:12:00.000+01:00

the abyss has been deep and dark. that hollow that had known self-confidence and which was the foundation of that cheerful façade and positive outlook, imploded. i need to stand up.

well God has been good, dropping little things in my life tt made me use those neglected lil face muscles of mine and smile. heard wind of THE most wonderful hedonistic birthday present ever, it's jaw-dropping amazing tt such things happen outside of the black box. and i finally saw, without the blurry end-of-day contacts or raw myopic eyes, the stuff tt makes you chuckle to yourself, the stuff tt everyone pretends not to have happened and will always be left unspoken. heehee.

and a song tt my ears have finally opened up and realised, oh boy wat a song.

Jamie Lewis and DJ Pippi - So Sexy
I'm here tonight to praise the beauty of that elusive creature called..
man.
and i don't mean his brains or even his brawn, no no no no.
i wanna go further down, down,
past his pulsing heart,
down, to the valley of his lust.
let me paint you a picture,
let me take you to that wonderland
that lies between heaven and hell, yin and yang, great and small.

You wanna come, you hold the key
you're so sexy, sexy, sexy
so so sexy, sexy, sexy

At the centre of every man is a treasure chest, a pleasure
waiting to be unlocked, released, set free.
and you, you hold the key.
a look, a smile, a touch, a kiss
and he's yours.
So remember, don't be afraid,
don't even be jealous,
just enjoy.

I'm released, set free.
You wanna come, you hold the key
you're so sexy, sexy, sexy
so so sexy, sexy, sexy.

Enjoy the rainbow of his many colours,
the valley that leads to his mountain,
the river that shrouds to your sea,
the volcano that erupts with his passion....

and it continues.
haha wat a song!

2007-10-29T16:26:00.000+01:00

i question when pple say opposites attract. how long will the intrigue/bewilderment last when communication is already so difficult with someone so similar.

2007-10-20T16:27:00.000+02:00

i got the msg right long time ago when the church talked about launching out into the deep..go out into society and be fishers of men. but then it is true when pst said that crossing over is not for the faint hearted, and it leaves most lost. they crossed over but forgot to bring the cross over. in the end, bringing God to shame and hurting the pple ard them. and well i'm talking about me and my "projects".

but hey it's not too late. it came to me as a revelation today: everytime i feel lousy about my abilities, i know His glory shall be made full because i'm weak, cos it's not by my strength. but it's hard not to compare cos i know i'm equally as capable as they are but yet.... sure i know there are pple worse off than i am, but why do i want to compare with them. but hey everything happens for a reason.

2007-10-09T18:15:00.000+02:00

today was full of classic bimbo moments. grinz.

comp lab's monitors and cpus are arranged systematically and at equal intervals. was doing hysys on a comp and wanted to save my work so i plugged in my thumbdrive into the cpu nearest to me. wondering why the screen didn't register my thumb, so i jammed it in again. you know how the electronics ard me always seem not to work esp usb ports. and that was when dearest zhiyu burst out laughing and pointed to the cpu on the other side..

AND then, after bathing, i discovered that i didn't empty my waste contact solution in the case..so i poured it away and washed the case out. then i poured fresh solution in, sticking my fingers into my eye to take the plastics out..it was then i realised and remembered that i wore specs the whole day today. well, i had emptied and drained those contacts into the sink already. -.-

anyway, svc brought me back to where i was. it seems so long ago when i was so passionate. when life had a bigger purpose. look at chc..we're doing so much for pple all around. i'm too engrossed with such transient things. wat importance is love and pursuit.

2007-10-03T04:27:00.000+02:00

remember when you said that you don't wanna find anyone else already? when you said that you were tired of finding anyone new? you just got tired of the whole game..but i guess this is where i differ and explains the decisions/actions that i make. it just makes me feel so lousy about my character but this is just me. and this was you a few years ago.
but you know how i need you. only you know how weak i am, how unconfident i am of myself, how i deal with stress and problems.

rappellez-moi, "Je te connaissais avant meme de t'avoir formé dans le ventre de ta mère...Je sais bien quels projets je forme pour vous; et Je vous l'affirme: ce ne sont pas des projets de malheur mais des projets de bonheur. Je veux vous donner un avenir à espérer."

anyway i was watching the life story of Christian Dior on Krisworld and it seems that there are many stories of successful men who are very traditional and also a little eccentric in their ways. It formed the character of his designs and probably cos of that, enhanced his business strategy. it ain't that bad being traditional after all.

2007-08-30T06:59:00.000+02:00

booked the ticket!! :P

Singapore
30Nov 1955h to 0625h Sydney
01Dec 0735h to 1235h Auckland

Christchurch
20Dec 1535h to 1650h Sydney
1750h to 2230h Singapore

anyway my first car accident..so sian. yeah go buy 4D.
the woman was an ang moh using a rented car..so she was clueless and so was i. she dragged on so long making so many phone calls, made me stand by my car on the road so everybody passing by could stare and gawk and probably sneer.

my pal.
haha fiona xie.

2007-08-15T18:33:00.000+02:00

gasp winning record of $140.08 in phone bills.

it sure feels so good to make pple happy! happy birthday da pau!

amazing. how pple suddenly can become sec sch kids again with time to waste and useless crap to talk about. my life has been the subject of gossip among pple i don't even know. but wow, i'm in the league of princess Di or paris hilton..i'm being stalked by tabloid paparazzi.

2007-08-12T06:03:00.000+02:00

omg.
to accept or to diss.
obvious undercurrents.
n e e d to siam or act blurrr.

2007-08-10T14:04:00.000+02:00

thx a mill rach for my virgin experience of ndp!
and it definitely was the best yr to pop the cherry.
floating stage, water with a backdrop of shenton way. beyoootiful.

see the contrast of the artsy esplanade to the robust business of shenton to the construction site of IR and to the many individuals that make up spore..worth the marvel.
but well i'm still not into lame costumes or marching choreography. the company made up for it, the canon blasts (when me and clar were totally bimbotic), the cute parachutists and the intermittent and final fireworks.

sorry babe for forgetting to tell ya! :P

2007-08-06T10:33:00.001+02:00

UN endorses energy farming! gasp...

2007-08-03T18:48:00.001+02:00

"you like many, but love one."

Used to being Ms Independence,
life was without any strings attached.
But soul baring made me different.
Seeing one everyday without tiring;
showing one the ugliest me without any condemnation.
I've now a solid rock to lean on
as well as a cushion for comfort.
But rocks have weak fault lines
And pillows have loose threads.

All I know is that
I'm thankful for the rock and the cushion,
The Almost-There's and the Just-In-Time's,
And maybe for the Clueless and the Didn't-Know's.
I'm thankful for being daddy's lil girl
and thankful for all my life's experiences.
Thank you Father and no more whining.

2007-07-31T18:53:00.000+02:00

sighh no words of encouragement from you baby?

2007-07-27T12:26:00.000+02:00

pas mal, ma première soirée par whosgoing.sg à MOS..
il faut donner daming des "visages" si tu sais ce que je veuille dire haha.

heehee don't we all love whosgoing?
that top has seen me through my first clubbing experience till now..haha.
i love the macallan picture. the effect, the shadows, the carrot and cucumber sticks. that is en lounge.

2007-07-27T12:05:00.000+02:00

shit i gotta get this out of my head.

Chaque Seconde by Kyo
j'ai cherché l'erreur
au coeur des systèmes,
ce qui brille est un leurre
ce qui brille peut fondre au soleil.

j'ai cherché l'erreur
qui trouble mon sommeil,
j'ai cherché pendant des heures
pour voir que tout est à refaire,
enfin tout est clair,
je relève la tete.

je veux vivre chaque seconde
comme si demain était la fin du monde,
etre libre pour de bon,
a trop vouloir se lever on tombe.

abandonner la fièvre,
ne plus regarder en arrière,
trouver l'essentiel
pour enfin oublier le reste.

je ne veux plus d'adresse,
je ne veux plus au'en vain on se blesse,
je voudrais pouvoir éclore
et demain sourire encore.

en fait tout est clair,
je relève la tete.

2007-07-24T16:52:00.000+02:00

there came a point of time when i stopped questioning,when i accepted things as they were.

until someone comes along and tells me bout his père and how he looks up to him and how he learns from him. how he does big impt jobs and commands respect. how he can ask him for advice and joke bout life. or how frères and soeurs share their lives. they come complaining bout their familles and...
i dunno watta say. hope it's not self-pity that i always think mine's worse. when they talk, i look at myself, not knowing whether telling them wld console them or just bring the focus on me. whether i shd tell them my dirty laundry. so i just shut up and pretend to know wat they are talking about. i don't even feel sad anymore. it's just fine, look.

i do have confidence that i'll be someone great in the future, with Father on my side. but when pple ask exactly bout wat i wanna do, how can i map out everything that is so uncertain? i wanna do business, but how can i do it when i don't know what the market needs? so it's gotta wait till after yrs of work experience. i wanna go into petroleum, but how wld i know whether i'd like it or have a flare for it or know exactly wat to do in the industry. i wanna go into the banks, but then so does everybody else. how can i detail out my future when there're just so many branches in the tree that right now, seem to be healthy and growing. at least i do know wat i somewhat wanna do, right? that's like way better than many, right?

2007-07-23T15:21:00.001+02:00

i dunno watta expect, wat else is there to say on a conversation rite? for now, i guess superficials will hafta suffice. but it's so sickening to me, there is only like a handful of pple that i'm downright comfortable with, no pretenses, no forced smiles, no need to be a duck in water searching for topics and i've lost the most impt one. true, i've come to gain a few more but it does take time esp when i'm so melancholic at this pt of time. i hate to admit it, but yep, i'm a moper. oh GOd help me know my worth and talents and live that abundant life you have in store for me.

not that my life lacks anything. i'm so blessed with wonderful frens like..
my pokkai-ed bsb peeps, i was not ashamed to go anywhere with you for the last 11 yrs and won't quit playing games with your black and blue hearts!
hug! pig! enjoy your year!

fat arms :(

9 years of soe-ing :) now we're fellow francophiles.

and yes, it's been 8 yrs too. and i've definitely left my mark.
omg i've just gotta complain..why do the pple ard me have lil sistas that they dote on! pout.

btw notice my new hair?? grinz.

2007-07-15T07:19:00.000+02:00

RE-HI dahhling blog!

i loove my life now haha, i've been booked solid for the past 2 wks..havoc man.
paulaner sentosa waraku movies secret recipe st james en lounge
yeah en lounge, new hangout place...somebody's fave place cos it's not 'atas'.
oh wells, not all gd and fun tho.
christine won't pretend to be who she's not.
christine will give snooty nose to shallow kids.
watever.

look so pretty today, just had to zi lian abit heh

my pals!
thx in advance for
6 months of
companionship!

nice creperie at duxton..
my french indulgences.
happy Bastille day!

pema's back!! haha hugs. great replacement for another who's gone and left me alone pout.

2007-01-26T01:01:00.000+01:00

thank you all of you who made me smile,
who made me feel special,
who appreciated me,
who tried to surprise me but failed (haha).

for the powerpoint that brought me to tears,
the great view and even greater time at Brotzeit,
starving at marina square,
the extraordinary colour of the roses,
the 3-digit bank acct balance,
and all the sms-es and calls.

i love all of you pple!!

and now that this blog has gone its full circle, it will be archived. this period of extreme highs and lows and learning and idling. thanks everyone for keeping in tune! byeee.

2006-11-05T15:23:00.000+01:00

a fren asked me, what do i like best bout france.

i said it was the culture and i thought to myself about all the things i didn't like bout singapore and naively imagined that it was the opposite in france.

i don't like that we outwardly say that it's all right but in reality, it isn't; that we like smth, but in reality, we don't like it and yet we smile like we're the happiest pple in the world. i dont like that we always poke our nose into other pple's business, like why do pple hafta crane their necks as they drive pass just to see what happened at an accident, or read the papers over somebody else's shoulder. like how we can't sit and watch the world go by. but i guess these are vices of the society or of human nature..can't complain right. and i'd be wrong to say that all these don't exist in france. maybe it only does in timbuktu.
as with busy, developed cities, making money can make you inhumane and unfeeling. but recently i changed my mind. a dear fren was illustrating to me how he does trading and analyzes the markets..he likened it to how the concept of value is being materialized, values of companies, of countries, how much trading is an art. it is not the character of the job that makes a person inhuman, it's the motivations of the person. one sees that his passion IS the market and not the money he makes.
it's all in the heart. french love their country and their culture no matter how much the world thinks that they're irrelevant. and it makes pple be attracted to them.

2006-10-31T02:42:00.000+01:00

an overload of knowledge gives rise to helplessness which gives rise to loss of direction. then maybe this pursuit isn't of knowledge in my league. it's of the league up there in heaven, smth i can never reach. i just knew i was never up to the cut.

but then there came this message from an anointed man. he said that purpose is out there in your life. you live for that one day, that one moment where you discover why you ended up where you are, why everything in your life worked out that way.
just like beautiful esther in the bible, she kept herself well, her looks and her health and became queen, never forgetting where she came from. she was a queen so loved by the king that he wld do anything for her and then was when she could save her whole nation.
just like joseph, hated by his brothers, sold as a slave to a household that saw his heart and talent and promoted him. from there the king picked him out as well by his ability to interprete dreams and made him second in the empire. it was then where he found his purpose, he saved his nation from famine and reconciled with his family.
that one moment. we who toil will not toil in vain!

2006-10-08T17:31:00.000+02:00

an engagement party i knew nth about? it's crazy, downright ridiculous. freaked us both out. one escaped, one sulked. well, admitting that i ran away then, all was cos i didn't want you to think that i wanna take away your freedom so fast. but now one said "maybe it's time to think about the future", the other wondered "wasn't that what we were working towards since long ago?" anyway i don't wanna say too early but i wld love to!

so that's the start of my "grown-up" thinking haha (or so i wld like to think). next grown-up deed, high-teaing with the girls! (and potential tai- tais haha)

pretty girls: one with nice face, one with pouty lips, one with ample bosom.

on a more reminiscent note, only when he called, did i realize how much i miss the pple over there. sighh. thx for calling, it was a huge happy surprise :) and seeing that you are doing great makes me really happy.

2006-09-05T12:06:00.000+02:00

plus jamais
nie wieder
never again
再也不会

do my formal report last minute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-08-26T23:07:00.000+02:00

great is the Lord in whom we have the victory
He aids us against the enemy
we bow down on our knees

and Lord we want to lift Your Name on high
and Lord we want to thank You for the works You've done in our lives
and Lord we trust in Your unfailing love
for You alone are God eternal
throughout earth and heaven above

2006-08-26T22:05:00.000+02:00

it's now time to think about jobs. omg am i that old?? if you know me, i am crazy about the pharmaceutical industry. but according to Fortune500, crude oils is the fastest growing industry (pharma's at no5) and since i'm in chem engrg, why close off this opportunity to ride on the wave? sigh choices choices. applying for Shell and exxonmobil, and even tho it was only given to high achievers last sem, what's wrong with dreaming? what's wrong with thinking that dynamicity and an active track record can charm employers? i will not be intimidated to apply. :)

it has been going great these wks. the hum drum of school still rolls on, assignments still come in, continuous deadlines and yet still meeting up with old frens and the girls. whee life is good. GOd is good, keeping my health and my sanity. home has been good and i realized that no matter what trials we go thru, as long as we have Him as our head and pray together, the bond will always be strong and love will always prevail. same goes with me and baby.

and i am learning, the crisis of my self esteem, the disappointment in pple...i guess i'm still a little girl, believing in the goodness and honesty of pple and their words, but it won't be this way, cos we are all slaves to our human nature. move on with life, forgive, forget and bless them.

spking of moving on, this goes out to my dearest E276. thanks for all the wonderful moments, you guys have been the closest cg i've ever had. loooove you all!

2006-08-09T16:47:00.000+02:00

so i was writing up my GIP reflections and i started becoming all reminiscent and sentimental and stuff..

i'm proud to have graduated a more loyal sporean - proud of singlish, proud of our food, proud of being more modern than most other asian countries. and i'm glad that i got to travel THE WORLD.. haha well not literally, just europe.. glad to learn the language better, and of course glad to have made all these wonderful and most unforgettable friends. :)

but back in spore and staying at home really makes it seem like it was such a long time ago. the responsibilities of a daughter, student, partner and party-er :P
ok i'm talking reality and unfiltered emotion here, so don't get offended.
chris-gramps relationship: my granny prob has alzheimer's disease and has a very holey memory. she can't remember whether she's eaten or where she's put her stuff. she takes my toothbrush and i tell her that it's mine then after that she uses it again. i'm like kissing my granny man. so i let her have it and get another brush for myself, and she goes and uses it again! i, or for that matter, everyone in the house, can't seem to find many things as well, from jewellery to letters.......
granny-dad relationship: i'm fine with the elderly but problem is she gets on my dad's nerves. my dad is not doing too well with his parkinson's and it frustrates him. so he's short on his circuit and gramps sets it on fire by her constant nagging. furthermore, dad's retired and faces her 24/7, i can understand his frustrations. so when dad goes downstairs, he orders her to go upstairs. it was like this for some time but they're getting better now.
chris-dad relationship: i understand dad's frustrations bout his health so i try to be home to help him and accompany him. but he is my dad, he's one of a kind, he's got a character nobody can imagine. he wants to be in charge of everything, in control, even in his condition. he wants his old lifestyle of stocking up on books/stationary but he can't even stand up for long to shop. he wants to make sure the petrol tank is always full.
on the 1st day of sch, class started at 0930h, he wanted me to leave at 8, saying that i'm already late. worrying and worrying. fact is journey only takes 1h max. but how wld he know, he doesn't take public transport. so cos he stayed awake so long and early to shoo me to sch, his legs gave him problem the whole day after that. of course he complained "if only you listened to me.." so he insisted that i drive to sch, but i'd have to wake up even earlier to send my mom and bro to work and rush down after class to pick up my mom. and i'd have to be sensitive to whether my dad wants to be driven to places and make arrangements for that. and all that's on top of sch work. and recently, he wanted my timetable, but i wanted my freedom to pon class, so i didn't wanna give him so he sms-ed me "can i go down on my knees for your timetable?" omg. all his whims and fancies and emotional threats. so many such situations everyday.
chris-bro relationship: this bro that's left is the temperamental one. his temper is horrid. but he doesn't ever admit to that. i'm really concerned bout why, is it cos he doesn't get enough love from the family? is it cos he doesn't have a gf? i drive him to work and when i get just a lil too close to the car in front, he shouts, "i told you not to follow too close!!!!!!!!!" then i'll say in a patient and soft tone, "ok. do you want to drive instead?" and he screams,"don't talk back to me!!" omg..so anal. is he trying to be a gd older bro? in all ways, i can't ever hold a proper conversation with him. i can't argue with him, cos he'll just shout back ridiculous answers. i can't frown or be impatient. i can't be myself. but look on the bright side, he's really gd for my anger management.
and so obviously, if he can't talk to me properly, he can't talk to dad properly. so he is never at home and doesn't take care of slow dad or forgetful gramps. he doesn't know dad's situation at all, what he needs to do, in which way is the best and how difficult it can get.
chris-mom relationship: i love and admire my mom, so i felt so bad when my mom told me to "better concentrate" on my studies this semester cos i don't wanna "disappoint them" again. man, so saddening.
chris-baby relationship: so all these pent-up frustrations and emotions and expectations have to get out somewhere. and it all goes to him..poor guy. always gets the worse of my mood swings, the brunt of my sarcasm, the unreasonable requests. and he still stays by my side and never stops loving me and being patient with me. :)

see why the stint in france suddenly seems so far away. sigh.

2006-08-02T19:33:00.000+02:00

spoiler alert

i'm going psycho. the 2 movies i watched since i came back, Combien Tu M'aimes and Hard Candy, are weird to say the least. Combien Tu M'aimes is about this guy who falls in love with a hooker who (obviously) cheats on him, but comes crawling back to him and yet has sex with someone else in front of this guy. it was my 1st R(A) show! loads of boobs, groans and steam but a lil disappointing.

while Hard Candy is a less gory version of Saw but no less disturbing. a 30+ yr-old photographer meets a 14 yr-old girl on the internet chatroom and brings her to his house. the girl spikes his drink and ties him up, intending to make him come to his senses about photographing sexy pictures of underage girls and doing them. she claims that he killed a girl and pretends to do a castration on him. he ends up being psycho-ed to hang himself. i swear, this has smth to do with the female threat to men, their sexuality and the fact that they are different physically ie castrated. cheem theories i learnt in my cinematic module all revolving around sigmund freud and his sick sick psychoanalytical theories, which basically attributes everything that happens in life to sex and sexuality.

and well, The Lake House is showing in s'pore now and perfect10 fm is asking for pple to write in about how they've once shared a connection with someone they'd met overseas but have lost contact since. they were gonna give away free plane tickets and free movie tickets to rejoin with that loved one. man, i want those free tickets.

2006-07-30T15:27:00.000+02:00

coffee prices have risen, taxi prices have risen, petrol prices are exorbitant, mrt fares have risen, bus fares are going to rise..but salaries have stayed put! singaporeans complain but they know they can do little because we'd just be put down, crushed, fined and black-marked. il faut ecrire en francais en cas des amendes. je ne veux rien d'ennui. enfin, le gouvernement devient avide de plus. 41 ans d'independance, 41 ans de l'autorite..j'etais satisfait du parti, en fait, je suis en faveur d'eux, mais ils jetaient ma confiance petit a petit. ils sont si intelligents. qu'est-ce que les autres nationalites font dans telles situations? ils font des greves. mais, le gouvernement sais que nous ne pourrons jamais faire comme ca.

on a happier note, i finally met up with my pals! and i finally zouked and sheesha-ed..the clubs in spore are definitely better..minus the drinks :P

2006-07-22T08:17:00.000+02:00

ooh ooh! i got the wedding photos finally.

(1) immediate families at the signing of the marriage certificate.
(2) entering the banquet hall!
(3) bride unveiled
(4) à la santé!

and i couldn't believe it! when kor and diana were at berlin, they saw the whole brazilian team going out of hotel Kempinski, including KAKA AND RONALDINHO...!! grrrr...so lucky. the horse dashed up the bus last, apparently afraid to catch the public attention, so diana couldn't catch it on video. so sad. but at least i gotta see my kaka :) he's really cute. i bet that even you haven't seen the brazilian team up front. heehee.

and it was really funny. we realized that me and eug, pete and di went to the exact same places to tour and we all took the same photos. haha. great minds do think alike! i'm gonna miss my bro now that he's not ard at home :(

and thiago, je suis desolée..my video camera model can't digitalize the video of the chantilly fireworks. hope my bro's video cam can tho, then i can upload the video of the football team!

2006-07-21T11:05:00.000+02:00

and then there were goodbyes to be said. so many. heart wrenching, tear jerking.

i love their spirit and passion, all of them 40 odd pple crowded in this tiny room to support their country. i'm a changed woman, i'm a football supporter!

but it's good, cos catching the world cup fever was easy. it was so fun in europe. baby came to join me to travel after exams. it was berlin -> prague -> vienna -> salzburg -> munich -> paris. berlin was all bout world wars, learnt all of it in 2 days. praha was apparently damn gd for partying, but somebody was too much of a square. :) we joined ida and lydia in vienna, and saw the city upside down on a crazy amusement ride. salzburg was beautiful with all the mountains and rivers and obscure castles atop. munich was more history and concentration camps haha..loved it, all the gore and torture. muahaha. paris was the eiffel and a ballet that i had to drag an uncultured baby to watch one. now that was a shoddy summary but oh well.

2006-07-19T10:31:00.000+02:00

i'm back up on my feet, on the ground, in the real world and obviously back in singapore for good. without nympho, without beer, without french, but it's been cool.

so lemme backdate to show you guys what's been up in my life :)

spain - 24 to 29 May
madrid was pretty much just shopping, museums, cool urban life, the santiago bernabeu stadium of real madrid and a day trip to toledo.
we caught a flamenco performance and bull fights. flamenco's such sad music, plenty of guitar but amazingly skillful guitar..dragging the notes from the highest to the lowest, making cool sounds. talking bout which, too bad i can't put a sound clip here, it's "total eclipse of my heart" guitar version just for me! :P

hated the bull fights. filled with black market tickets and rowdy men betting on bulls. the silliest thing to bet on. and obviously men will win bulls, i mean it's 5 (maybe more) men against 1 bull..and sometimes, when the bull charged towards one of them, he wld run behind the gate. i guess it's a rule in the game but it makes humans looks like cowards.

barcelona
this was the clincher that made me love spain! antoni gaudi's works fill the city with dream-like curves. and the pubs and beaches are cool.

2006-06-24T07:48:00.000+02:00

really tired and heavy hearted. emotionally n mentally..
i dunno what to think, how to act and how i shd feel, dunno whether i have the right to or not.
caught in the middle.

2006-06-23T02:15:00.000+02:00

j'ai pensé que j'allais etre dans le ciel mais..
je n'arrive pas lui dire les trois mots, je n'arrive pas lui carinho..
pourquoi!
je ne me sens pas la joie..
j'ai besoin de Toi, Jésus..
et avec Toi, je ferrai très bien dans les examens, i will.

i love The Cranberries..looove them.

Oh, my life is changing everyday,
In every possible way.
And oh, my dreams, it's never quiet as it seems,
Never quiet as it seems.

I know I've felt like this before,
but now I'm feeling it even more,
Because it came from you.
And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,
A different way to be.

I want more impossible to ignore,
Impossible to ignore.
And they'll come true, impossible not to do,
Impossible not to do.

And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me.
You're what I couldn't find.
A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind;
You're everything to me.

Oh, my life,
Is changing every day,
In every possible way.
And oh, my dreams,
It's never quiet as it seems,
'Cause you're a dream to me,
Dream to me.

2006-06-20T20:07:00.000+02:00

3 couples + beer + whisky + dark room..

i seriously didn't expect anything to happen! i swear! -grin- sorry if anything did and you up the list to 3. muahahah.

anyway i'm so happy i'm the 2nd longest! hehee. heeeheee. hehehehheheheheheheheheh. i win i win i win i win. i'm happy now. yupp i'd rather leave a better impression. tho it was so hard, is so hard, gonna be so hard.. :*( neverland ended. peterpan morphed. wendy is no more. and brasians ont tué with a pill. shhhhh.

alorsssss i can start studying now. hahah. anyway registration was pretty shitted. hope i can grad in time! :(

this is how passionnate they can get. brazil vs aussie. 40+ pple squeezing in one room. hot sia.

i will miss all of you!! :(

and ari came as a surprise! so sweet.

2006-06-18T11:59:00.000+02:00

a flurry of emotion and disillusionment.

2006-06-08T11:54:00.000+02:00

the rain beat down fiercely on the roof of the bus, making a huge racket. out on the road, i could see the white mist made by the continuous merciless pelts of droplets rebounding off. it was truly the type of rain only the tropics would get - convectional rain with yet, warm wet air of 98% humidity.

i was on my way to service my ailing computer, although it was only 6 mths old. i got off the bus and prepared to battle the storm with my humble little umbrella. "wrong choice of outfit," i thought to myself, glancing at my slippers and shorts. i inched out of the bus shelter testing the conditions, only to find out that i would definitely get wet with umbrella or not. anyhow, i was glad that i brought it along thanks to insider information.

next feat i had to do was to cross the busy jurong east rd. i reached the middle divider with ease, having learnt the art of jay-walking since a young age of 9 thx to having older brothers. the breeze was a nice welcome, in place of the sun and i was feeling pretty. at the corner of my eye, i saw a speeding cargo truck coming near but i didn't think anything of it, until................*splash* IT BLOODY DROVE THROUGH AND SPLASHED DRAIN WATER ALL OVER MY RIGHT SIDE, FACE AND BODY. urghhh! what a $%@&#!! now i really looked like a damsel in distress in the middle of the rd, holding a laptop in one hand and my bag and umbrella in the other. furthermore, my slippers were kicking up mud every step i walked till my whole calf was dotted with soil. man..............

and when it was my turn for the repairs, the computer guy told me "your touchpad is perfectly ok. just press Fn+F7." OMG!!!!! DID ANYONE KNOW THAT FN+F7 LOCKS THE TOUCHPAD???!!? man...............

what a day. the 6th day of the 6th mth of the 6th yr of the 21st century. the day 'The Omen' is to open. what a day.

and soo, my lappie's not spoilt and i've got newfound wealth. i've my cam left to fix.

short stint back home

2006-06-05T18:30:00.000+02:00

ate chicken wings and carrot cake and kaya fondue and roti prata and spring rolls and shark's fin and ben's and jerry's. tho i got back my sinus problems and skin rash. crap the weather. but guess why! cos i'm back home!! for just an ephemeral 9 days.

it's good to be behind the wheel on the right hand side, driving on the left side of the road and at 110km/h on a 70km/h road. it's good to be able to jump into the swimming pool and feel shiok. it's good to dress up for a dinner and shake everybody's hand like you're VIP. it's great to be able to satisfy my longing for home and yet still be able to get back to amazing compiegne to be with amazing pple. although finals are in <3wks.

well can't imagine my bro has settled down, prob will only sink in when "little peters and little dianas" start crying and kicking and making a mess and pooing all over the place. hehee. home has changed a lil, new pipings and shower heads, new bed, different orientations of things but looking more and more like a warehouse with each passing glance. :( gotta do major spring cleaning man.

and well thx for seeing me thru happy times, challenging times, exams, hospitals, deaths, marriages, times apart, disagreements, my unreasonable-ness and impatience..only you will know..

2006-05-30T03:11:00.000+02:00

my camera is spoilt :(
my lappie's touchpad and windows is screwed up :( :(
me no money :( :( :(

2006-05-23T17:12:00.000+02:00

whee! back from the UTC gala '06 and with photos aplenty!

it ain't very much like prom in singapore. no 10-course dinner. no round tables. no beauty pageants. but you'd realise that gala just means a HUGE ball, no....party! that's what the french do best. and organization for it was pretty well done eg transport to and from compiegne and chantilly, decorations, event line-ups.

c'était là! la chateau où zidane (oops j'ai tort, c'est RONALDO..merci thiago) s'est marié! haha i wish. it wasn't at the castle, but at the chantilly hippodrome, a horse-riding clubhouse. sighhh.

bad thing was the food, too little, and the queue, so inefficient. furthermore, the weather has turned for the worse..raining so much, so windy then next moment so sunny. and it was rainy that night..how bad can that get.

there were 3 dance halls, 1 for hip hop, 1 for retro/disco and 1 for trance/house. i can't dance anymore :( urgh. i need zouk! i need my hiphop clubbing training! haha. and then there was the fireworks but i was too preoccupied to enjoy it :( and after, i still became too preoccupied to take photos! so i'm not in many of them.

until now.....

BUT it was a wonderful night, cold but full of warmth, high but in good hands, hungry but satisfied.

more photos!!

2006-05-20T17:13:00.000+02:00

€6. i'll stick to the book. as is for all movie adaptations. the thrill of reading da vinci code was way more exhilarating..surprising considering one wld expect moving pictures to be more action-packed than words. the beginning went by in such a blur, not leaving any impressions at all, the middle didn't follow closely and the whole story just undermined the whole hooha of the controversy..what a waste. i was looking for jesus and mary magdalene and the dead sea scrolls and the da vinci inventions and the notion of the sacred Feminine.

but the company made up for everything. this evening was a first :P met the americans there as well..blissful blissful blissful heehee. then the next day was followed thru with a nice lunch out, tho it's becoming cold in compiegne again..WHY WHY WHY!

and tonight is the UTC gala! i knew i brought this dress and my heels for a reason haha..hopefully it goes well :) wait up for the photos!

2006-05-14T19:49:00.000+02:00

happy mother's day mom, mah-mah & casih :) and hopefully diana soon haha.

visité l'eglise Elim à Paris aujourd'hui! felt so much more at home..the style of worship, the alter call, the songs, the familiar faces, the singaporean accents in the heart of France, the "oh you've grown up christine!" :P feels sooo good..it's actually in chinatown where we go shop for groceries chinoise all the time. what a waste that i didn't go there earlier.

after that went catacombs with lydia. it was during a disease outbreak..dunno what..that they moved the skeletons from the cemeteries ard paris to this quarry-like thing underground.

2006-05-13T10:44:00.000+02:00

helloooooo!!!!!! i missed you my dear blog!
c'est dur, les cours. mais maintenant je me repose pour un moment.........un longueeeeeeee moment heheeeee.

je suis allée à budapest avec kaiqi. c'était beau, très beau, non, trop beau!!! i never knew it was part of unesco's world heritage area, says smth bout the place huh. it's cheap in comparison to western europe (peter loke, you're such a cheapskate!)..the opera shows' cheapest tics are bout €1!! you'll nv get that in france. dommage tho, the tics were all sold out when we got to the booth..and we didn't getta see the museum of the roman ruins of Acquincum and we didn't getta go caving under the castle. haha so WHAT did we do?? just see see look look lor and eat like kings. did 2 museum tours of the opera house and heritage museum and went for a thermal bath. shiok bohh.

(1st) fisherman's bastion (2nd) view of parliament house from across the danube (3rd) view of parliament house from fisherman's bastion. sad that my cam can't take night photos well.

the castle district where fisherman's bastion is, is in the old Buda region, on top of that hill thing in (4rd) i'm pouting, yes, cos of smth that idiot said, i can't remember. (5th) history of budapest.

budapest's full of statues too. remnants of narcissistic communist leaders (in statue park) and the like. (1st) st gellert (who the hell is that?) (2nd) statue of anonymus! supposedly a member of the royal court. (3rd) cool statue of a hooded skeleton carrying a head..grinz.

oh yeah, we didn't getta go into the parliament house as well! cos they were filming a movie bout the WW I there, so suay arhh...must be kaiqi lah. see that fake gun smoke and all the extras running away?

accounts #2 - MOMMY!

2006-04-30T17:45:00.000+02:00

as of Apr 30..
groceries and drinks: ~€189
accommodation: €202
sch books: €15
postage & calling cards: €103.50
trips and shopping: ~€1512 (includes 2 trips to paris, belgium/luxembourg, london, amsterdam and italy)
laundry: €16

what a special day :) 1mth and 2days more tho. sigh. je suis d'accord, on a perdu beaucoup trop de temps..oh wells. un tribut à l'amitié et la bonne compagnie..à la tienne!

2006-04-29T09:52:00.000+02:00

there's ignorance, there's naivety, there's oblivion, there's indifference. and yet there's also plain stupidity, i'm sorry to say. life generally doesn't treat anyone with concern or kindness, only de temps en temps a safe haven wld come by (nice pple like me :P) and even then the welcome may be short-lived. it's necessary to stand up on your own 2 feet! but then again, maybe it's not even your fault, it may be a question of insufficient EQ/sensitivity/intuition/observation. a little insider information: in rome, act as the romans..of course with discretion..and you'd survive. actually, wld such a person know what discretion means?

haha yikes i've turned into a bitch.

2006-04-27T14:57:00.000+02:00

we are all under the same umbrella and we serve the same purpose, same God..but i don't understand it at all. catholicism/roman catholicism. it saddens me to see a church look like a hindu temple. tourists come to asia to see our temples and go to the west to see their churches. what's the difference then? has the house of God become only a monument? or when pple see it then will they sense some sort of spiritual void?

not all roads lead to rome..def not. and not all supernatural beings can answer prayers, believe me, things all happen cos of His sovereignty. Saints do God's work, they are holy pple but they are still humans, why do catholic churches reverenize them? it seems that the churches are glorifying them more than God. it shdn't be that way! je ne comprend pas du tout. it upsets me. no way am i gonna put my philosophy side by side in comparison with other philosophies. so don't ask me why. there are many things that we humans cannot answer, accept His sovereignty.

God does deserve the biggest house of all, the grandest, the most majestic. but He does not live in statues nor in history books nor in paintings. He's alive! He's not dead in Mary's arms or dead on the cross! the catholic church emphasizes too much of that! He's the almighty, in charge of everything. He's omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent. and He loves us so much. me, such a sinner, blackened inside out, the prodigal daughter. when will i reach the pt of no return? i dowan to question..

mais il faut n'etre pas tiède. je dois choisir..les choix!!!

la soirée singapourienne - à la plage!

2006-04-25T20:16:00.000+02:00

merde, je suis censé étudier..merde.
c'était gros!! commencé un peu ennuyeuse mais après it was swell..plenty of dancing, plenty of 'tatoo-ing' heheee.

we sold strawberries with choc and it proved to be dirty fun :) too bad i can't post videos haha.
the 3 ang mohs in the 1st pic are going to ntu to study next sem!

2006-04-13T01:29:00.000+02:00

oh man..sorry guys for taking so long. had to take the photos off someone else's comp.

soo..i went to yet another museum on the 1st sunday of the month (it's free -grinz-)

Musée d'Orsay

so this is zhere qll the vqn goghùs hide: RIGHT. THIS IS THE RESULT OF TYPING ENGLISH ON A FRENCH KEYBOARD. urgh the french!

as i was saying. this is where all the van goghs hide.

vincent van gogh - la méridienne (1890)

claude monet - les déchargeurs de charbon (1875)

edgar degas - danseurs

my exam piece! oh brings back fond memories.

view of paris from the musée. you can see sacré coeur from here! that dome thing on the hill behind. so amazing.

2006-04-11T16:36:00.000+02:00

amsterdam was like the #1 place that the exchange students here wanted to go to and went, by the car loads.....including us during the wkend. 6 pple in a Ford! oh man. being SMALL, i was arrowed to hide and be a "bundle of coats" whenever we saw uniformed men at checkpoints. hehee. and mom and dad were so happy that i went to amsterdam cos they've been there before as well..like 20 yrs ago. nope it was not very dirty, in fact the city is quite pretty. but the roads were so messy. cars can overtake via the pavements and u-turn anywhere.

but that's not the point. of course. it's amsterdam! amsterdam's the place full of kopitiams selling 草 hehee. il faut écrire en français maintenant.. :P j'ai essayé les herbes, 2 sticks et 1 gateau au chocolat avec herbes, "space cakes" -grinz- it wasn't much of an issue actually, for me at least. je pense que c'est à cause de mon abondance des graisse. mais il y avais un personne qui était très stoned. c'était un peu effrayant pour nous, mais une bonne et nécessaire éxperience, bien sur. je ne peux pas mettre des photos, pour des raisons évident! hehee. sauf ça peut-etre..

and of course amsterdam's red light district, and its fish tanks. one particular person has been bugging me for photos of the girls..sorry no can do, didn't take any, or rather, couldn't take any. i don't want big, burly black men descending on me and my camera. anyway, the girls start working at like 3pm (who needs them at 3pm?!) they stand in front of big windows like shophouses, men just knock on them and the girls will open the doors and bargaining begins. then when a deal is clinched, the curtains close. pretty interesting concept. dutch girls on the streets are really really sexy and most are pretty. and then when you go to the fish tanks, these sexy pretty girls seem to disappear and fat druggies dominate. sunken cheeks, sagging bellies and obvious ribcages. well ok not all, some are truly pretty.

entering the district by car is cool. there's like this barrier that moves down when the sensor senses a car. it's that thing that ida's standing on hehh.

saw the anne frank house as well. and omg i can't believe an RG girl hasn't read the diary of anne frank..so uncultured, so ashamed of her tsk tsk :P it was amazing and my goosebumps kept standing on end. it was the real hiding place of anne frank and they conserved it pretty ok. but the story was played out really well in this museum.

we also went to kukenhoff, the tulip fields. so pretty!! i don't hafta go to jeju to see such beautiful flowers already.

after amsterdam, we stopped by antwerp, belgium for a day. t'was so screwed up cos we left ams too late and reached antwerp's formule1 at like 3am..and they cancelled our freakin reservation!! and for some unknown reason, unknown even to the locals, all the rooms in all the hotels in antwerp were fully booked. except for ONE. so in the end, me, manda and cs stayed in that room and the rest slept in the car haha.

every shop was closed on sunday and yet there were so many pple milling about..wonder what they do. and there was this grp of students who were siesta-ing in the middle of the square (background of photo). and pple actually thot they were street artistes and dropped them some coins. haha funny. nth much else to see there lah, main thing was just the fountain, a castle and some big underground drainage system.

our dear lydia wasn't here cos she was visiting other castles in Loire as well, with the rest of the exchange students, organized by the student grp in charge of exchange pple. haha she just HAD to go there, where all the hedonistic fun was. heh but she enjoyed it, i hope..and so did the rest. oh wells, they said Loire isn't worth visiting without gd company. phew i didn't miss much then.

2006-04-06T20:14:00.000+02:00

all the BESTEST to all my darling buddies in singapore!!

mug mug Mug MUG hard and mug mug mug smart ok :) i have faith in all of you. and may the peace and wisdom of God be with you always.

-HUGZ-

and my dearies down-under..gd lark. i miss melbourne!

my turn will come sooon :( dang.

2006-04-05T18:24:00.000+02:00

i love binging. i love my milk and cereal. i love my butter and choc chip cookies. i love running away. i love not facing the problem. i love peanut butter crepes. i love my beers. i love watching my gilmore girls/smallville/desperate housewives and not thinking bout anything. and then i love jogging it all off. but why why why must you make me think about it. i'm on holiday. it's unfair. i'm unfair. so i should not drag you down anymore. but you'd never agree. i'm unwilling to make effort. i'm not convinced that i should. i'm damn double standards. help me cos i can't help that. i haven't settled down yet. you know that. i'm so not right for anything serious. taking things for granted now. wld it be the same when i'm back? you said you don't know me anymore. maybe tt's right. don't try to understand me. it's not easy. i'm complicated. it's only for pple who are committed to me. but here i go again. screwing things up. as always. can you take it?

过火 -- 在我眼里

是否对我承诺了太多

还是你原本给的就不够

我始终有千万种理由

你一直都跟随我的感受

让我疯让我去放纵

你是多想再给我机会

多想问我究竟爱谁

是你给我自由过了火

2006-03-31T22:01:00.000+02:00

btw, did i mention my cooking is all done via the microwave. hehh. i'm not such a god after all huh. so tina, still wanna eat my food???
anyway, i found a new slave to cook for me today!! muahaha. i'll never go hungry here.

2006-03-30T20:50:00.000+02:00

you HAVE gotta be proud of me :) hell, I AM proud of myself haha...je peux faire la cuisine! i can cook! all those back home, you gotta admit that this is an amazing feat for me.

i can make decent things..soya sauce chicken, fried tau geh and beef, cheese baked fish, steamed xiao bai cai above my usual fare of deluxe sandwiches, rice, pasta and crepes heheeheeheehee. and all with casih's sambal belachan! thankewe casih..i love the chilli.

and they're all done without ginger, onions, condiments, spices etc. ç'est à dire: they're healthy, nutritious but instant food. see, i can still retain my busy schedule as a future career woman yet keep my family healthy..ain't that amazing.

k this was when i was still delgated the job of washer woman at cap affaires, but i'm up a level now!!

magical wkend in london

2006-03-29T15:57:00.000+02:00

london london..how gd it is to spk english to everybody again! can you sense my excitement haha. and not only that, i gotta meet rachel!!! (hugz..i'll see you in s'pore at sok's room again ok..we'll get wasted again :D) wheee..and of course, ida too. boy have i heard so much about her and in person, she's just as cool.

playing UK monopoly certainly gets you acquainted with the places in london. and yes, i built a hotel on that piece of land, you passed it, either pay me or go straight to jail. so wonderful to be able to know so much about a place and finally getta see it in person. i walked thru harrod's and tried krispy kreme donuts! i sat on the london eye! i walked along the river thames! i watched a musical with an original london cast! NOT..but i'll be back for you Chicago! but the coolest thing has gotta be the night life in london. man, it's way more hip than paris. the buses run 24hrs and the girls dress in full power even during winter..they make the winter hot.

so it started out on friday morning at 0530h. ran from utc to the gare because of someone :P missed the train by a few seconds. took the next train, reached paris and ran to the eurostar departure gate. made it......phew. anyway it's true, he's casanova and he wrote love letters all the way on the eurostar.

then when we got to london, our dearest realised he forgot to write down the address of our hostel, so we spent only about 6 hrs finding for a place to stay grinz. it was fun, walking up and down the streets of london. and the british are so friendly! so much better than the french. then met rach for dinner and that was day 1. well it was enough adventure for one day.

(1st) big ben and the parliament house as seen from the london eye.

(2nd) london eye at night. so romantic............. :)

(3rd) grp shot. cs, ida, me, thiago.

(4th) the topmost view from the eye. oh come on :P see i'm not scared to show!

(5th) gate of buckingham palace. or is it fu**ingham palace??

(1st) tower of london. where prisoners were kept..(i think)

(2nd) grp shot by the moat of tower of london.

(3rd) grp shot on tower bridge. ah fong, vincy, mancy, ray, jd, ida, cs, me, thiago.

yupp these were the macau and hk pple that ida was travelling with, so we went touring with them. language overload man; first french, then now english and sometimes mandarin and now cantonese!! woh. so me and thiago felt so left out. sigh at least i had a partner! heh. aniwae i promise you guys more photos, of rachel, of trafalgar square, of greenwich observatory, of westminster abbey etc.

to be continued..

Belgique & Luxembourg

2006-03-21T17:51:00.000+01:00

wohh..i haven't been blogging for so long! i'm having withdrawal symptoms man. these 2 weeks has been really really hectic..

went for rugby training on monday, so fun! the girls strip in front of everybody and bathe together..wow. haha. i'm fine with that but i was trying hard not to stare. i don't feel so bad anymore, with my big butt and hips and tummy, apparently this is how the female's body is meant to be! yay. then tues was the soiree brasilienne and fri left for Belgium & Lux after school.

i went with connie, a canadian-hongkee..studying at uwaterloo as well! *hey ju, your counterpart!* it was cool cos t'was just the 2 of us, everything was done chop-chop. first up was brussels. we reached at 11pm so we went straight to the hotel. I WAS SO STUPID! i forgot that i booked the rm for 1 person only and so only 1 person can show face at the reception. we ended up having to get 2 rms and paying €50 more. dammit.

(left) bande desinee. many of such on the walls, artistic. (centre) mannekin pis, the most famous monument in brussels. it's so tiny. apparently it embodies the free spirit of belgium. (right) view of brussels.

belgium is famous for its beers..oh man, 12% alcoholic content! tastes so good. and it's chocolates (godiva, leonidas etc) what a sin, i couldn't stop eating those damn chocs. and waffles!! many waffle stands everywhere in the city. also they're famous for mussels and rabbit in beer sauce haha. so unique that me and connie just had to splurge €50 on dinner. -sheepish grin-

(left) chocolate liqueur! 17% alocoholic content! (far left) a typical beer shop. oooooooh. lugged 6 bottles of beer in my bag, wanted to buy more but too heavy! oooooooh.

Brugges, touted as the venice of belgium and untouched even by the 2 world wars. so beautiful!! i'm coming back here for my honeymoon :P

we met 2 american girls on exchange to spain and went touring brugges together, on the riverboat tour. the river traversed most of the city centre and passed beautiful cottage houses which were built by the river! so pretty and so quaint :) but their road names are damn stupid, like Dweersdtraaat..why the hell do you need so many vowels together. how do you pronounce that man. the language here is flemish and the artist Jan Van Eyck who did The Arnolfini Marriage was from here! i loved his works.

this is luxembourg. it's a small lil country just a lil bigger than spore and about as rich. apparently rich countries find that construction and redevelopment is a must, so cranes will always be present to ruin the skyline in photos (above) just like in spore urgh. the middle of the city is a valley. all pictures taken of the valley.

AND I'M ON MY WAY TO LONDON WHIS WKEND!! WOOHOOOOO! told these 2 wks is gonna be hectic :P

2006-03-14T17:58:00.000+01:00

[disclaimer: fyi the post on long dist relationships is not about me! anyway, thankewe you guys for being so SO concerned haha..but don't worry ok.]

ok so i haven't properly introduced my lil home to you yet.
(far left) my room, view from the door. it's on the 5th floor..again. why am i always condemned to the top floors! in ntu and now in france..urgh. heh it's a blessing in disguise tho, the rooms are way newer, compared to eg venus' room haha.
(top right) the view of the courtyard from my window.

this is Roberval, nice and cosy for one person. there are other residence universitaires like clos des roses, which are much bigger than mine, so parties, gatherings and my cell grp are always held there. the background of the photos of my parties are usually in the rooms of clos des roses, eg chez willian. but if there are gatherings in roberval, it's always at the pantry hehh sad huh. but it's the pantry where i always meet new pple from the level and get to practice my french! btw a cashier commented that my french was good for a beginner muahahaha.

well, i pay €101 /mth for roberval (after lodging discounts!!!), that's half the rent of clos des roses. so i'm happy, i getta save for travelling. tho we hafta pay €4 for laundry (washing & spin dry) but with free soap powder. also, the walls are really thin. and it's a bitch cos MANY hostelites sleep before midnite..like what the hell man. so my frens hafta tolerate complaints from their neighbours if they bathe or make too much noise after midnite. well, i am blessed with a great neighbour haha..altho i've only talked to him once. he's my toilet mate as well, can you believe it, a guy for my toilet mate. but it's not that bad, they won't go rape anybody.

anyway, each country gets to host a party at the university pub, Picolo (the principal of UTC decided to ban drinking in pic! like sheesh, what's the whole point of a uni pub then) and last night was the brazilian soiree. hehee..packed with loadsa fun.

the boys. am i happening or what. fabio is on my right,really nice guy! aniwae i think i look really good that nite grinz. (don't puke)

(top right) confetti! it was like Nice's mardi gras all over again. made my whole room a mess after.

look at Mika, the german. he stands a head taller than all. his parties are awesome btw.

the asians. with our friendly french mentor, celia. and the girl b/w alwin and me..jane, korean. such mesmerizing eyes, hor alwin :P he's so sweet. koreans have 'vday' on 14th mar where the guys give sweets to the girls. and jane got one, from him. awww.

2006-03-13T17:08:00.000+01:00

the other china hahaha. it's bicycles there but rollerblades here, tho it's a tad bit cooler than cycling. but a new pastime nonetheless! to pass our pathetic, love-less, aimless lives. (that sentence was for someone else not me :P)

in aid of andy, those blades are truly horrible to blade in, for debutants that is. no control, no brakes..how cool is that. but for us, beginner blades would suffice. it beats walking anytime. i'm so sian of it. we hafta walk everywhere here cos it's way too cold to be stationary for 20 min (or more) to wait for the bus. and today, the ultimate, andy and cs bladed to and fro from carrefour! that's a 30min bus ride away. haha -clap clap- an accomplishment.

(4th pic) notice how much the height difference is?? another reason why i like wearing blades muahaha.

(left) pretty girl! sarah, she is.
yepp yet another soiree pour jouer les cartes cette fois. chez willian/joaquim/andre.
(top left) willian, joaquim, marcello. -wink wink- think they're hot?

but we singaporeans are famous for the thing we do best, mugging. haha. we are wet blankets, tous les temps.

tomber amoureux

2006-03-11T15:00:00.000+01:00

many many things have been happening in the course of almost 2 mths -- love found, love lost, friendships built, friendships ruined, friendships rebuilt again, misunderstandings, misinterpretations, longings and wishes that come to pass, and those that don't.

it's so easy to immerse oneself totally into smth here, cos there are no restrictions, no ties that bind. and yet it can go so wrong sometimes.

one love (or is it lust? haha) flourishes against all odds but is brought back down to reality by invisible bonds. yet it still ploughs on by sheer determination and i'm so sure i'm gonna see it work out well. haha. i'm cheering for you on the sidelines! i'm not gonna tell you to stop and think. i guess you've heard enough of that.

and yet another, not as much luck as the previous, but still being constantly jabbed about it, tho nth concrete has been happening or probably will ever happen. but nth from home holds them back, only one party. oh c'mon..can't you see!

and the third, boy is it going well for them..it's as though the rest of the world doesn't exist anymore! haha love does make the world go round huh, or in this case, makes the world ard them disappear. but what a bore..for the rest that is.

and well for others, distance is a major minus point; one will never know lond dist relationships until they try. problems remain unsolved. partners remain uncontacted. and then they drift so far till they fall off the platform of love.

but all's not lost in some cases. they remain happy :) like________haha.

aniwae more pictures, as requested!

haha GUESS WHO!

accounts! specially for mom.

2006-03-09T13:46:00.000+01:00

haha..my expenditure thus far, as of 9 Mars. it is...how should i say......interesting. =P

groceries and meals: ~€212.50 (includes supermarketing and university restaurant lunch coupons)
trips and shopping: ~€917 (includes 3 trips to paris, trip to Lyon etc and the coming trip to Italy)
accomodation: €468.40
sch books and sch insurance: ~€125 (notes, housing insurance, students' assoc and sports fee)
2 calling cards: €65
outings, parties: ~€47.20
miscellaneous: ~€26 (stamps, medicine, laundry)

camera and 256mb SD card: €218.90
specs: €235
air ticket: €654

okay, don't scream so loud. i can here you from here. oui, c'est ça, mais ce augmentera tres bientot! i.e. 它非常很快将增加! j'avais essayé et je vais essayer diminuer ma dépense :) mommy, go translate that!

ohmygoodness. it's now not a good thing that my room is right opposite the toilet. a whaft of shit-smelling air has drifted right under my door and into my nose. it's really bad! and man, you can't imagine what you find (or don't find) in toilets here..no sanitary napkin bins, no other bins, no mirror and apparently, condom machines are more impt..

c'est nulle

2006-03-07T11:23:00.000+01:00

oh man, l'emploi de temps is a bitch..what's wrong with the system here! oh wells, i so can't be bothered. wrong mentality but i dunno what i'm thinking anymore, my brain's screwed up. i'm tired. i need zoe life.
ce n'est pas necessaire, mais je me trouve toujours dans cette situation...ENCORE. je suis vraiment dépendant? je dirai moi-meme: sois fort!
this entry's ridiculous. some photos to make up for it heehee. :P

(top) snowman!
(left) clockwise from top left: felipe, jorge, rodrigo, leo, edvan, ricardo, thiago, me, joaquim.

chun seong with tina! and me (extra heh). cocobanana the night before louvre. slept 2 hrs before catching the 8.08am train to paris. man, horrid. but the louvre made up for it all.

cupid with venus in his arms.
oh i love louvre, the louvre heehee. but cannot take photo so sad. it's so big; 3 wings, sully, richelieue and denon with 35000 art works altogether. ancient egyptian civilization - mummies and sarcophages and all. pre-classical archeological finds. french artists and italian artists. and of course jaconda, the mona lisa in denon!!
we were so tired, after slping for only 2h. me and lydia fell asleep on a sofa, so paiseh. so.......

....we rewarded ourselves with a proper french dinner in a proper french restaurant, steak and dessert. pas de bouteille de vin though haha.

the past

2006-03-06T08:27:00.000+01:00

only when it leaves, will it come back. and when it does, it will return fast, knocking you off-balance, taking you away from reason. perspection and interpretation, the aspects that make you so mysterious, so endearing, it draws me away from the truth and reality. but i'm careful of what i wish for, for it may just come true. it can't be controlled and it makes me a fool cos wishing for the past is silly, for the past is alluring only because it's in the past and it lives in a perfect world in your mind. you can never be sure, cos the grass is always greener on the other side, but truth is, Now's the best time in your life. creating influence, being an example, being you. it will be mundane, but life is a routine and life is a journey and the journey is in your hands. do not worry for tmrw, for tmrw will worry for itself. He took care of your past and will take care of your future and He will never give you a rock as bread or poison as water. you are His creation, special in every sense, superior in every way and possessing unique wisdom from above that no other can have. that's the beauty of it all, so be sure of yourself and never doubt your capability. we are empowered from on high. and i cherish all that's happened, is happening and will happen and never regretted one moment..thank you. :) here you go.

urgh

2006-03-05T23:38:00.000+01:00

what the hell. blogspot ain't picture friendly AT ALL.

Lyon, Nice and Marseilles

2006-03-04T14:09:00.000+01:00

the reunion of the NTU GIP pple in the tram of Lyon. trust me, this trip was one helluva lot of trouble to realize.

haha but man, was it worth it..at least now i know snow sports ain't my cup of tea. but, i still fared well better than most muahaha. nope i shall not boast here :P

at the northern alps, valmoral. -sorry venus, i needed a negative example.-

here, all set to ski, tall and proud (top right), mais toujours comme ça (left). hehhehhehh.

vieux Lyon up on the hill overlooking nouveau (?) Lyon (left). check out a REAL amphitheatre (above), acoustics are really really good..smth rgs tried to copy in a very small scale..look at how tiny we are here.

the carnival at Nice (the place), a nice carnival of floats for mardi gras. beautiful and so festive! we were carrying our bagpacks and probably the only few asians around, so we kena-ed the most streamers and confetti. angmohs are so friendly, the festive season for them is literally for everybody to enjoy together. i love that spirit. singaporeans are this way as well, but with way less festivals and reasons to celebrate. bought the party hat and a mardi gras mask haha.

specialty food of Nice, socca. Nice (the place *snigger*) has nice, beautiful pebble beaches. cote d'Azur was nearby but i'll visit it another time during summer.

Marseilles, it's a port and it was really hot..we were sweating even with one layer! i really really miss the sun.

paris

2006-03-04T13:17:00.000+01:00

and they say, pictures say a thousand words.

pantheon. eiffel. l'arc de triomphe. church of st magdalene. jardin du luxembourg. notre dame.

the ultimate shopping paradise: lafayette. and of course, rue de rivoli and ave des champs elysees.

my favourite church: le sacre coeur. this is why...

ma vie up to date

2006-03-04T12:37:00.000+01:00

ok here goes...!
it snowed on my birthday 2501 :) just for me! these pple celebrated my 21st for me, the NTU pple, NUS guys, koreans and nicole the american.

this is compiegne, small little town, you probably can walk to anywhere here. it's got its plus points: pple are friendly and everybody is from UTC haha. and it's downsides: they talk mostly french seulement. well i love the language! -see dad, don't worry!-

this is what the lecture theatres are like. they live in the stone age. POSITIVELY. they use chalk boards, their computers are age old, they use cassette tapes.
and everything is so manual. we hafta go to individual professors to change class timings or drop modules. students actually stick paper on the noticeboard to request for change of timings.
and the library sucks. we can't even print stuff in school..i hope it's just the lack of knowledge and not the lack of printers. -reason why i hafta spend so much, mom-

blogging fever has gotten to me!

2006-03-04T09:42:00.000+01:00

i hate being drawn to the common..but this has to be it, I NEED TO EXPRESS MYSELF! to share my thoughts, to share my life. enjoy seeing how the fever has spread and lodged itself into the Ultimately Stubborn Mule of chrissie.

France, the land of amour, ain't all that romantic in actual fact haha i just wished singapore had more scenery, less cookie cutter, less regimental. well, this is the place to be for hard-core FUN. like hellooo, a school group actually called for a meeting to plan parties!! c'est trés bizarre pour moi. what has this world come to..oh yeah i forgot, this is france and this will be my life for the next 6 mths. a place where everyone drinks 24/7 (alcoholic of course and mostly beer urgh) but not urgh anymore, i love the taste of it now *guilty grin* i love parties i love going crazy i love playing with snow i love wearing winter clothes i love brazilians i love the italians' gd looks but i miss being chinese, being asian. i'm embarrassed at not being proud of singapore. i'm embarrassed at not being able to speak chinese well anymore DARN.

more misses: i miss exercising i miss wearing colours i miss the sun i miss my bikini i miss la plage i miss my friends i miss my darling i miss downloading songs i miss using webcam damn the freaking school network!!! i miss roti prata and curry i miss hokkien mee.

regrets: regretting the time not spent with my Father, the missing times of singing praises and reading the word. of not being much of a shining light or a gd testimony.

but i'm gonna cherish this time here. gonna make it all fruitful and worthwhile. :)