sermon was so appropriate. always can't help letting it all out when i'm in His presence, tt camouflage can never be hidden from Him. it was about forgiveness and it's not that when we forget it, we've forgiven; or when the pain's gone, we've forgiven; but it's the coming to terms with things, to learn, to rebuild and to accept. one point struck me: rebuilding. naturally, trust takes time to regain, till then, the innermost chambers are out of bounds. 2 years ago, when hurts had build up, there shd already have been a time of distance, but there wasn't. i guess tt's why explosions occur.

taking all 3 classes on my own and design project away from my frens has given me so much time alone. the solitude is therapeutic. there's no need for nature to reflect and to get in touch with other realms, it's a state of self. like the principle of praying without ceasing.

i must learn to love myself. to stop blaming myself and take concrete steps ahead. to create personal spaces. to avoid being taken advantaged of and discarded after. then i can learn to love others, love the unlovable and the sidelined.