great is the Lord in whom we have the victory
He aids us against the enemy
we bow down on our knees

and Lord we want to lift Your Name on high
and Lord we want to thank You for the works You've done in our lives
and Lord we trust in Your unfailing love
for You alone are God eternal
throughout earth and heaven above

it's now time to think about jobs. omg am i that old?? if you know me, i am crazy about the pharmaceutical industry. but according to Fortune500, crude oils is the fastest growing industry (pharma's at no5) and since i'm in chem engrg, why close off this opportunity to ride on the wave? sigh choices choices. applying for Shell and exxonmobil, and even tho it was only given to high achievers last sem, what's wrong with dreaming? what's wrong with thinking that dynamicity and an active track record can charm employers? i will not be intimidated to apply. :)

it has been going great these wks. the hum drum of school still rolls on, assignments still come in, continuous deadlines and yet still meeting up with old frens and the girls. whee life is good. GOd is good, keeping my health and my sanity. home has been good and i realized that no matter what trials we go thru, as long as we have Him as our head and pray together, the bond will always be strong and love will always prevail. same goes with me and baby.

and i am learning, the crisis of my self esteem, the disappointment in pple...i guess i'm still a little girl, believing in the goodness and honesty of pple and their words, but it won't be this way, cos we are all slaves to our human nature. move on with life, forgive, forget and bless them.

spking of moving on, this goes out to my dearest E276. thanks for all the wonderful moments, you guys have been the closest cg i've ever had. loooove you all!

so i was writing up my GIP reflections and i started becoming all reminiscent and sentimental and stuff..

i'm proud to have graduated a more loyal sporean - proud of singlish, proud of our food, proud of being more modern than most other asian countries. and i'm glad that i got to travel THE WORLD.. haha well not literally, just europe.. glad to learn the language better, and of course glad to have made all these wonderful and most unforgettable friends. :)

but back in spore and staying at home really makes it seem like it was such a long time ago. the responsibilities of a daughter, student, partner and party-er :P
ok i'm talking reality and unfiltered emotion here, so don't get offended.
chris-gramps relationship: my granny prob has alzheimer's disease and has a very holey memory. she can't remember whether she's eaten or where she's put her stuff. she takes my toothbrush and i tell her that it's mine then after that she uses it again. i'm like kissing my granny man. so i let her have it and get another brush for myself, and she goes and uses it again! i, or for that matter, everyone in the house, can't seem to find many things as well, from jewellery to letters.......
granny-dad relationship: i'm fine with the elderly but problem is she gets on my dad's nerves. my dad is not doing too well with his parkinson's and it frustrates him. so he's short on his circuit and gramps sets it on fire by her constant nagging. furthermore, dad's retired and faces her 24/7, i can understand his frustrations. so when dad goes downstairs, he orders her to go upstairs. it was like this for some time but they're getting better now.
chris-dad relationship: i understand dad's frustrations bout his health so i try to be home to help him and accompany him. but he is my dad, he's one of a kind, he's got a character nobody can imagine. he wants to be in charge of everything, in control, even in his condition. he wants his old lifestyle of stocking up on books/stationary but he can't even stand up for long to shop. he wants to make sure the petrol tank is always full.
on the 1st day of sch, class started at 0930h, he wanted me to leave at 8, saying that i'm already late. worrying and worrying. fact is journey only takes 1h max. but how wld he know, he doesn't take public transport. so cos he stayed awake so long and early to shoo me to sch, his legs gave him problem the whole day after that. of course he complained "if only you listened to me.." so he insisted that i drive to sch, but i'd have to wake up even earlier to send my mom and bro to work and rush down after class to pick up my mom. and i'd have to be sensitive to whether my dad wants to be driven to places and make arrangements for that. and all that's on top of sch work. and recently, he wanted my timetable, but i wanted my freedom to pon class, so i didn't wanna give him so he sms-ed me "can i go down on my knees for your timetable?" omg. all his whims and fancies and emotional threats. so many such situations everyday.
chris-bro relationship: this bro that's left is the temperamental one. his temper is horrid. but he doesn't ever admit to that. i'm really concerned bout why, is it cos he doesn't get enough love from the family? is it cos he doesn't have a gf? i drive him to work and when i get just a lil too close to the car in front, he shouts, "i told you not to follow too close!!!!!!!!!" then i'll say in a patient and soft tone, "ok. do you want to drive instead?" and he screams,"don't talk back to me!!" omg..so anal. is he trying to be a gd older bro? in all ways, i can't ever hold a proper conversation with him. i can't argue with him, cos he'll just shout back ridiculous answers. i can't frown or be impatient. i can't be myself. but look on the bright side, he's really gd for my anger management.
and so obviously, if he can't talk to me properly, he can't talk to dad properly. so he is never at home and doesn't take care of slow dad or forgetful gramps. he doesn't know dad's situation at all, what he needs to do, in which way is the best and how difficult it can get.
chris-mom relationship: i love and admire my mom, so i felt so bad when my mom told me to "better concentrate" on my studies this semester cos i don't wanna "disappoint them" again. man, so saddening.
chris-baby relationship: so all these pent-up frustrations and emotions and expectations have to get out somewhere. and it all goes to him..poor guy. always gets the worse of my mood swings, the brunt of my sarcasm, the unreasonable requests. and he still stays by my side and never stops loving me and being patient with me. :)

see why the stint in france suddenly seems so far away. sigh.

spoiler alert

i'm going psycho. the 2 movies i watched since i came back, Combien Tu M'aimes and Hard Candy, are weird to say the least. Combien Tu M'aimes is about this guy who falls in love with a hooker who (obviously) cheats on him, but comes crawling back to him and yet has sex with someone else in front of this guy. it was my 1st R(A) show! loads of boobs, groans and steam but a lil disappointing.

while Hard Candy is a less gory version of Saw but no less disturbing. a 30+ yr-old photographer meets a 14 yr-old girl on the internet chatroom and brings her to his house. the girl spikes his drink and ties him up, intending to make him come to his senses about photographing sexy pictures of underage girls and doing them. she claims that he killed a girl and pretends to do a castration on him. he ends up being psycho-ed to hang himself. i swear, this has smth to do with the female threat to men, their sexuality and the fact that they are different physically ie castrated. cheem theories i learnt in my cinematic module all revolving around sigmund freud and his sick sick psychoanalytical theories, which basically attributes everything that happens in life to sex and sexuality.

and well, The Lake House is showing in s'pore now and perfect10 fm is asking for pple to write in about how they've once shared a connection with someone they'd met overseas but have lost contact since. they were gonna give away free plane tickets and free movie tickets to rejoin with that loved one. man, i want those free tickets.